Well it’s almost time to head to Spain for one semester studying abroad. Filling luggage again with crap for which I have assessed a need. Worrying about airports, layovers, taxis, homestays, gifts, maps, money. It’s a time for “lasts”: Last meal in Nashville, last snuggle-fest, last home-cooked Chinese dinner, last shower in my own bathroom. At least until December.
Reflecting on the last month out of the Trek, I regret all the things I never made time to do that I said I would ASAP:
- go through my closet and donate all the things I didn’t need
- donate $20/mo. to the Ruth Center
- write a letter to Yaay Pensri
- print out pictures of the Trek and mail some to her, perhaps as a birthday gift on Sep 25. maybe some for pon on Nov 6.
- share about my Trek with people from my chapter
- continue praying for the Center every day. Yay Pensri crosses my mind every day, but I don’t always take the simplest thing for her, my time, to pray for her.
It is truly amazing how different life is here. Though life in Bangkok was very hard, I can now really appreciate how having nothing to do encouraged me to spend more time reading Bible and praying. Forced me to live with integrity and follow through on simple promises. With only a useless Thai-english dictionary and 30 minutes of Thai lessons scribbled into a notepad, I finally learned what “lost” and “misunderstood” mean. Jesus became lonely and sad for us, too. He became human so that we could understand him. I became Thai so that Grandma could understand me. (And I’ll become Spanish so that….I can fulfill my Spanish major!) Now that I’m home, at least I was for a month, all my resolve for change and improvement and spiritual discipline has truly worn down. I wouldn’t say it has disappeared or dissolved; I find myself more eager to get involved with social justice issues, irritated at Christians that lack a global perspective, maybe slightly more outgoing. I want to live with integrity - live as I promised God I would, lying with a fever on Grandma’s mat - but I “c” that my current conditions of comfort will always lead to constant compromise.
I look ahead and can only wonder what God has in store for me in Spain, and if I will be brave enough to see.