BangkokUrbanTrek2011

spend money wisely. give to those in need.

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 10:23:06 -0500

spend money wisely.

give to those in need.

this poem reminds me of that night we put out rat poison.

Tue, 25 Oct 2011 16:17:00 -0500

Me up at does
out of the floor quietly
Stare a poisoned mouse

still who alive
is asking What have i done that
You wouldn’t have

—ee cummings

haha i know!!! i felt bad for you, mice. all of you mice. i saw Ratatouille. you were just doing what you needed to do.

i don't know which blog to put this in,

Sat, 22 Oct 2011 20:46:53 -0500

cuz my mind is definitely half in madrid and half in bangkok…

since we’re the only ones in our VIS group who chose not to travel this weekend, last night, meredith & i took a leisurely stroll to Puerta del Sol, widely regarded as the heart of Madrid. Sol is a major transportation hub filled with all kinds of clothing stores, tattoo parlors, coffee shops, bars, fast food places, fountains, benches, and all kinds of people at all hours of the night as it morphs into morning. We went to (where else) a very swanky McCafe, one of the nicest McDonald’s i’ve ever had the pleasure of enjoying from the 2nd floor. we got cookies and greek yogurt and all that good stuff and sat for a while just chatting about life and love and spain.

it was a great place to people watch, and we looked down to see tons of interesting people milling around everywhere in the plaza. but once the novelty of the families, couples, and weird looking teenagers wore off, with a start i noticed that the street was lined with prostitutes up and down Sol. Spanish women spaced out pretty evenly on a street leading to the most crowded part of Madrid, arranging their skintight skirts, lowcut shirts, texting on their iPhones and making themselves generally presentable. Unlike Thailand, prostitution is legal in Spain.

seeing so many women gathered by 10 or 11pm to attract customers was a very unsettling experience. Seeing them brought back instant memories of the KT Guest House, sitting and listening to Ivan, a missionary in bangkok who ministers to male prostitutes in bangkok, handing out condoms and listening to stories and praying. images of Nana, a red-light district in bangkok that caters to Western tourists, flashed in my mind. Feelings of first and second-hand shame as a mama slaps me on the butt with a foam stick touting sexy ladies. Anger at seeing white men surrounded by beautiful Thai women. Surprise at a more forgiving reaction to Asian men. so many women that came to Bangkok in search of a way to live and found only decay, at least on the inside. I remember my heart just breaking with empathy that I couldn’t explain: the need to be wanted, to feel beautiful, to excite and be everything to someone who could make you feel important or loved or at least better than you were before. Lights and smells and skin and eyes focused on the cracks in the sidewalk, darkness and brokenness and prayers that couldn’t rise above Nana, that couldn’t escape high enough for God to hear.

the overwhelming sights and muted panic of bangkok red-light districts are a totally different experience from the toned-down desperation of puerta del Sol. the women aren’t wild or naked or dancing. they just stand and wait. we see a man appraise one particular women, up and down he checks. he smiles and they walk off together. i look over to see if meredith has noticed; i can only grimace when she returns once more. ill never forget the chills i got when we walked down Sol and a woman asked someone in our group if he was interested in what she had to offer. what was her story, that someone made in the image of God, someone that He sent his Son to die for, a beautiful woman like her, was out on the streets of madrid asking a 20 year old american student to pay her for sex? did anyone know? was she alone in this world? the prostitutes have iPhones and designer bags and really expensive clothing; something about prostitution in spain, in comparison to the poverty of bangkok, seems even more sinister and rotten.

taking jesus at his word

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 13:19:03 -0500

Luke 16:19-25 “There was a rich man who dressed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day. But at his gate lay a poor man named Lazarus whose body was covered with sores, who longed to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. In addition, the dogs came and licked his sores.

“Now the poor man died and was carried by the angels to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. And in hell, as he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far off with Lazarus at his side. So he called out, ‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in anguish in this fire.’ But Abraham said, ‘Child, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things and Lazarus likewise bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in anguish. Besides all this, a great chasm has been fixed between us, so that those who want to cross over from here to you cannot do so, and no one can cross from there to us.’ “

——

i think if i really believed in my heart that Jesus meant what he said in this parable, i’d live my life a lot differently. (if i really understood the power of the cross, if i loved the way I am loved) i’d put others first. i’d love different people and do different things.

“My biggest fear, even now, is that I will hear Jesus’ words and walk away, content to settle for less than radical obedience…”

happy birthday!

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 09:20:30 -0500

i almost forgot to say, 4 days ago was yaay pensri’s 64th birthday! i hope she had as great of a birthday as Abi did over the summer…

It was Abi’s birthday during our first half-week at our ministry sites. we had only been in our homestays for 1 full day before I mentioned to daniel and ansell that abi was turning 20 on saturday! we did some over-the-top gesturing, charades and pictures to convey the idea of ggao’s birthday to our grandmas. to my surprise, they were so excited to hear about the birthday and even planned a surprise party for her! it was one of my favorite memories about bangkok… I was terribly homesick and regretting my choice to come on the Trek. i couldn’t see why the heck God had dumped me in the outskirts of bangkok for a whole month. why did God choose me to be here, now? I’ll never forget looking around at our motley crue of random thai people and random students from the US, huddled in yaay boonsri’s small living room hashing out an elaborate plan to get abi and her grandma in taxis to the Ruth Center, and then instead to my house, without abi realizing it was all for her. we planned a secret note delivery, biking, walking, an escape route, a backup plan, a cake. and even after we said goodbye that night, while i was snuggled inside my mosquito net ready for another night psychologically battling the mice, our friends came over and knocked on our door to KEEP planning! they sat in a circle with my grandma, their faces dimly lit by a bright reading light she keeps next to her while she sleeps. i barely picked up any of what they were saying, but i couldn’t stop smiling. it was so funny. so sweet. so simple so real so wonderful so kind of them. who was I, what had I ever done in my pathetic easy life to deserve to be invited into this setting? to be treated like an honored guest in this home, AND a daughter? as if i were doing some service? i didn’t bring absolutely anything to the table, and here i was getting a glimpse into a life so different from my own.

well the party plan went off without a hitch, i’m pleased to say. we had the most delicious spicy glass noodles with beef…….yummmmmmmm… and pepsi with ice… and a yummy cake from the market that a stream of ants also enjoyed pretty quickly once we were done. and we even had more cake with all the Trekkers at Sabbath team time the next day.

so yeah. i hope yaay pensri’s birthday went kind of like that.

Death

Sun, 11 Sep 2011 10:59:00 -0500

⁴ Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

—Isaiah 46:4

we’d spend our afternoons sitting around the Ruth center, eating lunch with the elderly grandmas, sharing sticky rice, spicy papaya salad, chicken and green beans. The last week I went with Ansell to feed his grandpa paralyzed from a stroke a few years ago. We’d carefully pour out the plastic bag of spicy broth, vegetables and meat into one bowl. Carefully measure out lots of rice in another. He’d feed himself shaking and dropping rice and soup into his lap. Abi’s grandma’s hand shook as well, and she needed Abi’s help to eat. my grandma had diabetes and subsequent dizzy spells; once, the spells got so bad that she fell down onto an uncovered fan and lost vision in one eye. Her left eye was always kinda cloudy.

because of the Trek, i’ve become absolutely terrified of growing old, losing lucidity, not knowing who i am, my mind and body wasting away into nothing until death. it’s been a morbid summer. every time i go home, my parents are visibly older and older. One day, i’ll go home from a vacation or a break, open the door and find an old man and an old woman waiting eagerly for me. It’s more than I can think about right now… and yet God says he will be my God until i have gray hairs. (I already have some.) And He will never leave our Thai grandparents, my parents, or me, no matter how many days we have left here.

Packing, Again.

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 15:41:38 -0500

Well it’s almost time to head to Spain for one semester studying abroad. Filling luggage again with crap for which I have assessed a need. Worrying about airports, layovers, taxis, homestays, gifts, maps, money. It’s a time for “lasts”: Last meal in Nashville, last snuggle-fest, last home-cooked Chinese dinner, last shower in my own bathroom. At least until December.

Reflecting on the last month out of the Trek, I regret all the things I never made time to do that I said I would ASAP:

go through my closet and donate all the things I didn’t need
donate $20/mo. to the Ruth Center
write a letter to Yaay Pensri
print out pictures of the Trek and mail some to her, perhaps as a birthday gift on Sep 25. maybe some for pon on Nov 6.
share about my Trek with people from my chapter
continue praying for the Center every day. Yay Pensri crosses my mind every day, but I don’t always take the simplest thing for her, my time, to pray for her.

It is truly amazing how different life is here. Though life in Bangkok was very hard, I can now really appreciate how having nothing to do encouraged me to spend more time reading Bible and praying. Forced me to live with integrity and follow through on simple promises. With only a useless Thai-english dictionary and 30 minutes of Thai lessons scribbled into a notepad, I finally learned what “lost” and “misunderstood” mean. Jesus became lonely and sad for us, too. He became human so that we could understand him. I became Thai so that Grandma could understand me. (And I’ll become Spanish so that….I can fulfill my Spanish major!) Now that I’m home, at least I was for a month, all my resolve for change and improvement and spiritual discipline has truly worn down. I wouldn’t say it has disappeared or dissolved; I find myself more eager to get involved with social justice issues, irritated at Christians that lack a global perspective, maybe slightly more outgoing. I want to live with integrity - live as I promised God I would, lying with a fever on Grandma’s mat - but I “c” that my current conditions of comfort will always lead to constant compromise.

I look ahead and can only wonder what God has in store for me in Spain, and if I will be brave enough to see.

Thank You & Reflection

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 00:46:00 -0500

(what i e-mailed everyone…for future reference)

Dear friends and family,

I can hardly believe that I’m already writing my final update to you after a whirlwind 7 weeks on the Trek! I was so encouraged to come home and read so many wonderful and thoughtful emails from you, especially in response to my sickness overseas. Your prayers and support have made this experience both possible and unforgettable.

So, I’m sure you’re wondering, exactly what did I do in Bangkok? And what did God teach me from my time there?

To start, I worked with a ministry called the Ruth Center that provides support and community for the elderly across ten slums on the outskirts of Bangkok.

Watch a video describing the ministry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neIfUuHSB_E
Ruth Center website: http://www.projlife.com/ruthcenter/

The Ruth Center was founded in 2008 by one woman, P’Noi, a courageous Christian woman who truly demonstrated to me what it means to obey the Lord no matter what. She faced loads of initial financial worries, doubts from friends and family, and spiritual warfare in a community possessed by idol worship. Today the Center ministers to hundreds of needy elderly in neighboring communities, giving out bags of rice or toiletries, repairing homes, visiting and praying daily, and hosting various missionary groups from around the world. I saw firsthand how integrated the Ruth Center was in the communities. Everybody recognized P’Noi and knew where the Center was. It is truly a light in the darkness of an overwhelmingly Buddhist country with only 0.5% Christians.

our team, host grandmas, host friends, and ruth center staff

See some more beautiful pictures of elders we met here

I lived for four weeks with a grandma, Kuhn Yaay (Grandma) Pensri, in the community of Bua Luong. She is 63, short, sweet and sassy. She lives alone, without much support from her daughter; she suffers from diabetes and poor vision, but she is very self-sufficient. She cooked us meals every day and denied my requests to help clean or cook.

We lived on the outskirts of Bangkok without many people or cars. It wasn’t exactly rural – we lived near a university and a busy marketplace – but our community itself, of about 100 families, was quiet, dusty, and close-knit. The homes are wooden with corrugated tin roofs and standing on poles above pitch-black water filled with trash. The streets are lined with trash as well. Living conditions were simple, but comfortable; we had electricity, water, a TV, fans. It took a couple weeks to get adjusted to, but by the end of the trip I was very sad to say goodbye to our small but cozy home…

Some challenges to living cross-culturally were: the language barrier (I picked up a lot of Thai in 4 weeks living with a host, though), adjusting to more difficult living conditions, and learning various customs of Thai cultures (not pointing your feet, greeting others with a ‘wai’, etc).

I learned that the ministry of “being, not doing” is much harder than I thought it would be. It was very hard for me to accept that our ministry in Bangkok was simply accompanying a grandma for an entire month. (A month seemed like an eternity but was over in a flash!) We didn’t hold a VBS, teach English, repair a home, or pass out evangelistic tracts. Instead, we loved our hosts as best we could, kept them company, got rid of loneliness at least for a month, and gave them something to give and someone to take care of.

Outside my grandma’s home

I also got to practice treating the elderly with respect and gentleness. I never knew my own grandparents, so the grandmas and grandpas I befriended in Thailand are truly God’s blessings and expanding my family. I learned to slow life down by being around elderly people all the time, savor the day more, eat slower, and literally, as Yaay Pensri walks very slowly. Interacting with the elderly on the Trek increased my awareness of their needs and forced me to think about, for the first time, concepts like growing older, sickness, death, and the cycle of life.

God gave me the privilege of experiencing a month relying more on God’s strength than I ever have before to get me through each day. He showed me the generosity of the poor through the huge amounts of food my grandma would give me each day! He showed me glimpses of his love and healing touch through the care of the people in my community when I was sick with a high fever and had to be sent urgently to the hospital. He also used my experience in the hospital to make the existence of spiritual warfare, darkness, and the stronghold of idol worship all too real to me.

hanging out in the hospital with my grandma

Lastly, God truly provides for those who have nothing and cares about the poor, the orphan and the widow so much. My grandma collects plastic bottles and paper for recycling as most of her income and lives in desperate poverty, but you would never know just by meeting her. She always has a big smile on her face, giggles like a little girl, and dresses quite fashionably. She’s been a believer for 3 years and is always praising God, saying “Korb kuhn Prajow” and praying that God will be with her. Her hope in Jesus exudes from her vibrant being. If I am never able to return to Bua Luong, I know that I will see her in heaven and rejoice in our reunion there, without any disease or old age or language barriers.

eating at a restaurant during the last week of ministry sites

If you can, please pray that I would continue having a growthful re-entry into American life. Pray that I will be sensitive to the Holy Spirit at this time, sharing my story with others and using it as a way to share the gospel with my friends. And if there is anything that came up for you while I was gone that I can pray for you about, or if you have any more questions about my trip, don’t hesitate to e-mail me as well!

Thanks again for all your prayers, support, and God bless.

ขอ ให้ พระเจ้า คุ้มครอง คุณ,

Summy Lau

——

FOR FUTURE REFLECTIONS: trekkingbangkok.tumblr.com – my just-for-Bangkok blog!

TO READ BLOGS FROM OUR TEAM DURING THE TREK: http://globalurbantrek.intervarsity.org/track-the-trek?city=Bangkok (especially Ansell’s posts – he was on my team!)

caught outside during monsoon season in thailand

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 19:16:00 -0500

caught outside during monsoon season in thailand

assisted living

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 02:18:37 -0500

When I heard we would be living with grandmas, in separate homestays, I assumed that we’d be helping them out with their daily lives. Ansell prepares each meal for his grandpa, as his mobility is severely limited from a stroke. Abi helps feed Yaay Noi and clean up around the house, because she is old and feeble and her hands shake. I found that, personally, there was definitely some assisted living going on - that is, Yaay Pensri helping ME survive in the Prawet district of Bangkok. she fed me, cooked deliciously authentic Thai food, did the laundry (including mine, i’m ashamed to admit), brought me to the Ruth Center, mopped the floor, washed the dishes, told me when and taught me how to shower… Yep. I couldn’t have survived without Grandma.

pages from my journal: day 1 onsite

Sun, 07 Aug 2011 22:01:00 -0500

As I journaled each night, I always had this blog in mind. Lol. So now I am retyping it, virtually word for word, right out of my lovely orange journal given to me as a 20th birthday present from Paul, as my present to all of you.

—-

2:05 PM Thursday 6/23

Bangkok Tweets - a play-by-play of the beginning of Week 2

gummy614…

listening to the rain fall on the corrugated tin roof

watching a korean-chinese-thai dubbed old fashion-y drama

itching bug bites

sitting with Grandma

eating weird fruit

thankful i’m with self-sufficient, kind grandma. energetic, sweet lady

wanting to sleep at the Guest House for american team time!!!

missing home

crying for family and boyfriend, and because of humungous spider

unsure how to use the bucket shower

grateful for Pon, Thai-English teen / translator

appreciating the amenities of Ruth Center: water, fan, food, candy, guitar, COMPANY

can’t believe. it’s only day 2.

NOT loving little Thai kids

praying for Ansell, Abi, Daniel

RODE A MOTORCYCLE!!

journaling too early. I should save this for nightfall.

(read an entire journal entry from my first full day below…)

8:10 PM 6/23/11

Today was our first full day of ministry. I can’t believe I’ve even made it this far - one whole day. It’s been… really… really hard. Like constant endurance, grit my teeth, drag-my-nail-through-my-skin-to-feel-pain-outside-my-chest, hard. I miss my mom and dad so much. They’re both praying for me every night. If they knew how hard this trip is for me, my mom would cry too. It’s so hard being alone with just Grandma. Well, I guess it’s better than living with other people. I suppose we are living with these specific grandmas because they don’t have anyone else.

This morning Grandma made coffee for me, and I cried into it the whole breakfast while this one neighbor girl stared at me. I just missed my family so much, and Pao, and my home. The time we have left is overwhelming to me - 40 days?? 6 weeks? I can’t do it!!! My heart just hurt to be there with Grandma.

Things got better when we visited daniel + family + neighbor & went to “halleluyah” (bible study). I LOVED finally learnign Thai with someone our age, someone who can see and read, and even knew a little English. Pon was very eager to learn. We had Bible study on Psalms 91, sang songs, ate noodles, miscommunicated what to do that afternoon… it was the part of the day that I felt closest to Jesus.

But then I had to go home with grandma. She took a nap. I wrote out all the new Thai I learned. We went to visit her friend Buoy. Then we sat and chilled and sweated on a table waiting for the kids to come back from school. They did. They all looked at me as they got off their buses.

A bunch of little girls gathered around me as usual, playing with my hands or looking at all my stuff :) then that girl asked me why i was crying today in front of grandma, which made me want to cry again.

Then Daniel, Ansell & I went to see Abi. it poured as soon as we got there, but we waited it out, talked and prayed. I knew I had no right to complain, but I was certainly red-lining the Trek (and still am). Why did I agree to this?? I thought. I JUST WANT TO GO. HOME. Abi was terrified of rats, Ansell was feeding and showering an ornery, feeble old man (sic: ansell’s grandpa ended up being really gentle and kind). Things were way tougher for them.

And yet the knot in my stomach became a beach ball swelling with unreleased tears. Urgent pleas to go home swirling in my head. Talk of “trusting Jesus” and going through storms with Him totally flying way over my head. I didn’t even want to hear about God. I just wanted to somehow survive this summer and get the hell home. To Pao. To Mommy and Daddy and Cali and English. I didn’t want to think about how real and desperate my faith has become here.

All I know is, today is quite possibly the single hardest day of my life to date.

Then we prayed together in the pouring rain. And then prayed for Abi’s neighbor, Cat. And suddenly I felt a whole lot better. (like a weight had been lifted or something.)

I even went home chatty to Grandma. She had a delicious dinner prepared for us, but I had to aapb-nahm first! So I poured water over my head using the small red bowl and scrubbed the best I could standing in a basin. Idk if I did it right, but I felt ten times better after showering! Me, grandma, and another little girl who really likes me watched cartoons and some dumb drama for a couple hours.

And now i’m in bed, ready for my favorite part of the day: SLEEPING! For a day of doing nothing, that took a lot of ink to recap.

I still feel that I’m trying to survive on my own strength and not being the Kingdom of God to Grandma. I don’t have room in my heart to love her. I also didn’t read Bible today. Learning Thai is totally exhausting.

I’m afraid to truly join Christ and share in his humility, pain, and suffering. I just got a small glimpse today, and it totally sucked. I want to trust God, but I’m just so tired of always being “on” and never having a break (sic: we had sabbath days and a mid-project retreat).

New Animals: geckos. humungous spider. rabid cat. mice/rats.

Dear God, please let this mosquito net keep every critter OUT.

Exotic Fruits from Thailand

Thu, 04 Aug 2011 23:49:03 -0500

Eating fruit was a daily occurrence throughout the Trek, and before I forget what they all look and taste like, I shall show you the fruits, most of which I ate for the first time in Thailand!

Mangosteen

Long- gan (raises body temperature!)

Lychee

Pineapple

Rombutan (ngaudt) - such a WEIRD lookin fruit!

Dragonfruit

Li’l Bananas - very sweet!

…durian…. >:[

Papaya - we even scooped out the seeds together :’)

Green Mango

“Santol”? … idk, but they ate this fruit with spicy sauce. Weird.

the life cycle of a longsat. I’ll never tell how many of these i ate. they grow on big brown clusters!

nose apples. They look like noses. they are not tasty.

This video was made by my host ministry in Bangkok, Ruth Center,...

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 23:03:50 -0500

This video was made by my host ministry in Bangkok, Ruth Center, that ministers to the elderly poor living in the outskirts of the city. My Grandma, Yaay Pensri, is in it! She is short with very dark skin and fluffy white hair, a big smile, she used to get sick a lot and cries in the video. Finally watching the video today made me miss Bua Luong, Bangkok, and my grandma sooo much! I hope and pray every day that God will be with her, heal her and reconcile the whole city to Himself.

Real blog post ASAP!

Track the Trek 2011

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 22:14:23 -0500

Track the Trek 2011

Sex Trafficking

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 13:26:00 -0500

Just doing some last-minute reading before the Trek begins - tonight!

http://www.unicef.de/en/aktionen/foto-des-jahres-2010/3-preis/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4038249/ns/dateline_nbc/

You know, I live a pretty comfortable life. I have good friends, a nice home, kind parents. I can always indulge in some of my favorite things: the beach, fro-yo, hot chocolate, my bed, watching a movie. And there’s still a lot of experiences that I still want in life: marriage, kids. So there are a lot of days when I don’t particularly want Jesus to come back again.

Not today, though. Today my heart aches. Come, Lord Jesus. Come back to us.

"Truly, the Gospel is more than a set of things to believe about Christ. It is a radical call to come..."

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 12:50:05 -0500

“Truly, the Gospel is more than a set of things to believe about Christ. It is a radical call to come under the discipline of the Kingdom, bidding a rich young man to sell all that he has to give to the poor, or a corrupt tax collector to go and repay all he had robbed.”

- Melba Maggay, Urban Trek Reader

Feelings

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 02:03:00 -0500

It is officially June 16, 2011 PST.

I am feeling totally

nervous (butterflies)
anxious
worried
scared
dreadful (in the act of dread)
regretful (want to go home)
full of second thoughts and cold feet
depressed (away from family, friends, pao)
isolated/uneasy

Meanwhile, only a little bit of me is feeling slightly

excited
eager
curious
in a learning posture
willing to obey
ready to serve
prepared
commissioned
hopeful

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Please be with me tomorrow, God. And every day I am in Bangkok. And every day I’m not in Bangkok, too.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 21:54:50 -0500

my laptop -_-“

at least I can’t say Bible, because all Scripture is living and God-breathed.